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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651865">we still have everything</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hurt/Comfort, M/M, MWPP, Pining, Post-Sirius Black's Prank on Severus Snape, Pre-Slash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:22:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He hadn’t wanted to hear Sirius’s apologies, but he saw them. </p><p>He noticed them in many places, including, but not limited to, notes flown to his desk and long letters under his pillow. </p><p>Ambushes in the corridors, away from the prying ears of any students, or in their dormitory, with Prongs and Wormtail suddenly needing to run to the library. </p><p>Quiet knocking on the frame of his poster bed late at night, or fifteen different flavours of fudge on his bedside table. </p><p>James and Peter as reluctant messengers. </p><p>Judging by the intense look of anguish mixed with concentration on Sirius’s face whenever he was near, not that he was trying to look, failed attempts at telepathy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we still have everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Incident had happened in spring, so they didn’t have much time before sitting their OWLs and then going home for the summer holidays. Remus had preferred to use this time to fit in some more revision and to bottle his feelings of anger and betrayal — he had figured he would have plenty of time to be upset <em> after </em> exams, which he desperately needed to do excellently in, with his personal records being otherwise <em> tainted</em>. </p><p> </p><p>So when he finally returned to the Great Hall, he walked past the Marauders’ usual spot, purposely not looking at them, and sat down next to Lily Evans and her friends. They were all slightly taken aback by it, swapping careful looks with widened eyes, but after a few seconds they just shrugged and returned to eating breakfast and chatting about the upcoming exams. Lily turned to Remus and asked for his opinion on what the Transfiguration exam questions would be and relief flooded him as he stumbled through his answer. </p><p> </p><p>After that, Remus spent most of the following month either alone or in Lily’s group. He would pair off with one of them for most of the time in lessons, he would occasionally join their library study groups, he sat down to eat with them. In the common room he’d sit in an armchair in one of the alcoves, as far away as he could from others. James and Peter would occasionally come and sit next to him anyway, mostly talking about everything and anything except <em> that</em>. Sometimes James would have a bleak look on his face and he’d say something like “we <em> all </em> miss you, Moony” or “he knows he’s wronged you, if you would give him a second chance” and Remus would refuse to talk about it further. </p><p> </p><p>Peter humoured him and respected his silence, and Remus was thankful. He could see glimpses of Peter’s worry that he might have said the wrong thing and referenced Sirius or the <em> status quo ante</em>. When James got that sad look on his face, previously reserved solely for his <em> Lily will never love me </em> midnight crises, and made to speak about Sirius, Peter would try his best to change the subject. <em> I’ve been noticing Mary is very pretty, you know, maybe you could be my wingman, eh? </em> he’d ask, and James would jump to argue if Remus would be anyone’s wingman, he should be his, not Peter’s, <em> I can’t believe you get to spend so much time with Lily and not put in a good word, really, Moony, what are friends for! </em> </p><p> </p><p>So Remus just smiled at him and declared that <em>he’s not being anyone’s wingman,</em> <em> you can both declare your never-ending affection by yourselves, thank you very much</em>, feeling immensely grateful to Peter for not pushing it. </p><p> </p><p>Rationally, he knew that he should not try to hide it all inside him and that he should talk to someone about the trust that had been betrayed and the best friend he had lost, but Remus was nothing but excellent at Denial™ and Bottling Things Up™. He had learnt early to be in control of his emotions and of the way he spoke and acted — otherwise, things would slip out and snowball and people would eventually come to say, <em> look, it’s nature over nurture, you can’t change a werewolf, they’re aggressive and dangerous</em>. So really, he could not risk his OWLs, his place at Hogwarts, his already bleak-looking future, over trying to cope in a healthy way with loss and betrayal and anger and loneliness. Sacrificing his mental health for the sake of being able to survive wasn’t exactly a new concept. Also, he would have a whole summer to try to come to terms with his feelings, so if he could please be excused from <em> that </em> right now, please and thank you. </p><p> </p><p>He did his best. He kept hanging around Lily, Dorcas, Marlene and Mary. He studied late into the night and bit his lips bloody in frustration and anxiety. He still spoke to James and Peter about Everything Except Sirius And The Incident. He went out at the full moon accompanied by Madam Pomfrey, knowing the charms surrounding the Shack and the Whomping Willow had been heavily reinforced and that he would have to go through it alone once again. He ignored the increasingly forlorn looks Sirius was throwing him at all times, he ignored any and all of Sirius’s attempts to talk to him and most of all, he ignored the heavy feeling in his chest that accompanied the thought of <em> Sirius</em>. </p><p> </p><p>The Saturday after the full moon, after he had recovered, he found himself sitting in the Common Room on the floor in front of the fire, for a change, while Lily and Dorcas were cuddled up on the sofa nearby. They were trying not to laugh at Marlene’s newest found talent — singing horribly out of tune. She had climbed on top of a nearby footstool, and was nothing but determined she would be the next Celestina Warbeck, ready to make up for years of lost singing practice, to many people’s dismay. Mary had disappeared early into the evening, claiming she was very behind on her DADA homework. Curiously, Peter had got up from next to James and Sirius and left the Common Room not long after, with James chucking  a balled up piece of parchment at his head and loudly wishing him <em>the</em> <em>absolute best of luck with practicing the charms</em>. Remus most certainly didn’t notice this. He was decidedly <em>not </em>trying to sneak looks at the Marauders. </p><p> </p><p>“No, no, Marlene, will you just listen! If anyone here can be the next Celestina, I think it’s Remus!” Dorcas said, failing to suppress her giggles. “Hear me out! He's Welsh, his dad's a wizard, his mum a Muggle, and he probably can actually sing!”</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’ll find there’s quite a few people with that <em> oh so specific </em> background and no resemblance whatsoever to a starry-eyed singer,” Remus laughed, rolling his eyes, but Dorcas had stopped paying attention to him, as she was trying to fight off Marlene, who didn’t seem very impressed with their lack of faith and was attacking Dorcas with a ruffle cushion. </p><p> </p><p>Lily was laughing outright too by now, gasping for breath and clutching at her sides. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw James flushing and running his hand through his hair nervously, his eyes on Lily. Sirius was sprawled out on the sofa, his tie undone, his legs on James’s knees and his arm thrown over his eyes. Remus moved his head slightly in their direction. He could just make out the trace of Sirius’s arm and shoulder muscles under his pristine shirt, stretched tight by his posture. His hair was splayed out across the arm of the sofa and his fingertips were brushing against a cushion. He looked as stunning as always and Remus yearned to be near him.</p><p> </p><p>So much for the <em> not sneaking looks, only observing the obvious </em> train of thought. </p><p> </p><p>Remus closed his eyes and leaned to rest his back against the edge of the sofa, stretching out his legs. He could feel the heat of the fire on his face. Even after looking where — or to whom — he shouldn't have been looking, he hadn’t felt so cosy in what felt like forever. Ironically, he couldn’t get rid of the tight knot behind his rib cage. He had promised himself he wouldn’t think about <em> it </em> before he got home, where he would be able to lock himself in his bedroom and just <em> cry </em> for a day or two. But then again, it had been wearisome, not being part of the group, and, for all his self-reliance, he really did wish they could go back to how they had been. They were careless and stupid and mean at times, yes, but also loyal and reliable — if only in the years of research and work that they had put in, unsolicited, to ease his transformations. </p><p> </p><p>And really, Remus told himself, Sirius did seem genuinely sorry, to put it lightly, and heartbroken over what he had done. He hadn’t wanted to hear Sirius’s apologies, but he saw them. He noticed them in many places, including, but not limited to, notes flown to his desk and long letters under his pillow. Ambushes in the corridors, away from the prying ears of any students, or in their dormitory, with Prongs and Wormtail suddenly needing to run to the library. Quiet knocking on the frame of his poster bed late at night, or fifteen different flavours of fudge on his bedside table. James and Peter as reluctant messengers. Judging by the intense look of anguish mixed with concentration on Sirius’s face whenever he was near, <em> not that he was trying to look</em>, failed attempts at telepathy. </p><p> </p><p>The sound of a door slamming shut made Remus jerk and he opened his eyes, blinking in confusion, his neck aching. He looked around to an almost deserted Common Room — empty, but for one person — and realised he must have fallen asleep in front of the fire. Sirius had moved from his spot on the sofa and he was sitting dangerously close to the fireplace, opposite from him, looking wary. His hair wasn’t <em> artfully dishevelled </em>as usual, just plain messy, his curls tangled and sticking out carelessly — a result of Sirius’s hands running through it incessantly, Remus knew. </p><p> </p><p>Having gone at extreme lengths to avoid Sirius in the recent weeks, Remus found himself short of breath when he looked into his eyes. Sirius was paler than usual, and the skin under his eyes was too dark to pass off as one all-nighter. Blinking rapidly, Sirius was looking as if he was trying not to break their eye contact, but at the same time, that doing so was overwhelming. He was sitting cross-legged, scratching at his forearms, the faintest sheen of sweat on his forehead. Remus knew he was staring, and yet found it particularly tricky to stop. </p><p> </p><p>Sirius shifted, opened his mouth, and closed it again. </p><p> </p><p>“Remus. Moony. Moons,” he finally managed, more of a whine than anything. </p><p> </p><p>Remus knew what Sirius was going to say, knew he was going to apologise and make promises and plead with him again and decided he didn’t want to hear it at that moment. </p><p> </p><p>“Pads. Just. Just come here,” he sighed, making a vague gesture with his hand, his shoulders hunching slightly. </p><p> </p><p>Sirius just stared at him for a heartbeat, his grey eyes wide in disbelief, then <em> pounced </em> on him and settled on his thighs. He clung to Remus desperately, burying his head in the crook of his neck and squeezing him a touch <em> too tightly,</em> but Remus didn't complain. He put his arms gently around Sirius, one of his hands reaching down to his lower back to clutch the bottom of his shirt, and the other up to curl gently in Sirius's hair. </p><p> </p><p>Remus suddenly became aware of a growing dampness seeping through his shirt and Sirius sniffling quietly, his face still hidden. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Sirius's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>He knew they couldn't just sweep everything under the rug, that realistically, the healthy thing to do was <em>talk</em> <em>to each other</em>, but he also knew it could wait until the next day.</p><p> </p><p>The world could wait. </p>
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